Evangelion, Written by my friend Xai
by The Yardville Girl
Summary: Shinji sucks at driving...and more


Evangellion Thing I Wrote  
  
By: Xai  
  
Chapter 1.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own it. . .sad for me. Red and blue are my generic characters along with Sky Blue  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
Red: we lost!  
  
Blue: lost what??  
  
Red: _ not sure..........  
  
Blue:........... like.......  
  
Red: ... like a story line, a meaning, and (stares up at name designer) some totally non generic names  
  
Blue: yeah, what the crap kinda names are 'red' and 'Blue'?  
  
(Name designer drops Eva 1 on blue)  
  
Red: what the heck kinda show is this without a second character?  
  
Sky Blue: hi.  
  
Red: who the crap are you? Some pointless reincarnation of blue?  
  
SB: nope.  
  
Red: look man, Sky Blue, what-the heck? this show needs something that doesn't suck, like a good reason for existence, and i can't stress the fact that generic names suck----------  
  
(name designer drops Eva 2 on Red)  
  
Sky Blue: you guys have to realize being a writer is like being a god in a story book.  
  
(writer drops non-existent Eva 3 on SB)  
  
Shinji: does any one but me think this is turning into a poorly written spoof on Evangelion?  
  
Asuka: because it is.  
  
Shinji: this sucks, am i actually going to have to talk aimlessly for eleven pages?  
  
Asuka: hopefully this writer has good taste.  
  
(writer looks away)  
  
Shinji: where is rei?  
  
Rei: ........... no coment.......  
  
Asuka: Rei never did talk much.  
  
Shinji: nope.  
  
(shinji steals a car)  
  
Shinji: up for a ride?  
  
Asuka: you can't drive, your 14  
  
Rei: true....  
  
Shinji: watch me ( drives car into tree)  
  
Asuka: you drove 3 feet..... into a tree  
  
Rei: done watching.  
  
Shinji: so 14-year-olds can't drive.  
  
Asuka: that doesn't explain why we can pilot Eva's  
  
Rei: if we couldn't this show wouldn't exist.  
  
Shinji: still (steals another car)  
  
Asuka: why do you keep stealing cars?  
  
Shinji: i have a good feeling about this one. (drives car into other car)  
  
Asuka: good feeling= floor it- into another car  
  
Shinji: yes it does.  
  
Rei: wow thats the worst thing i have ever heard.  
  
Shinji: yes, i know, but its true.  
  
Rei: um.......  
  
Asuka: lets go some where.  
  
Shinji: (steals another car) this time i'm used to flooring it.  
  
Rei: you know, if you didn't floor it you could drive better.  
  
Shinji: fine, fine...... stupid generic car.  
  
(starts driving)  
  
Asuka: street, sign, car, pedestrian, pedestrian clinging to sign- wow you really do suck!  
  
Shinji: its ok, all of the people in this are generic, they can't die.  
  
Rei: that doesn't mean you should hit them.  
  
Shinji: you only think that  
  
Asuka: are you trying to suck at driving.  
  
Shinji looks away.  
  
Rei: it seems shinji is.  
  
Shinji: um.....  
  
Asuka: give me the wheel!  
  
Shinji:hey, i'm having fun here (drives car into building)  
  
Asuka: fun?! you just drove our car into a building!  
  
Rei: don't forget the strange ticking noise the engine is making.  
  
Shinji: what noise ( car blows up) oh yeah that, oh well ( steals another car)  
  
Asuka: you're not driving this time!  
  
Shinji: you only think that!  
  
Rei: true.  
  
Asuka: oh great, now wonder girl is against me, this sucks.  
  
Shinji: i cant let you into this car (looking sortof scared) look.  
  
Asuka: awww, Shin-ji has fan-girls!  
  
Rei: i don't think you can talk.  
  
Asuka (blushing/angry) oh shut-up wonder girl.  
  
Shinji: aw man, now i have to worry about non generic characters, crap i can't blow up this car.  
  
Asuka: you actually like blowing up cars?!  
  
Shinji: yup.  
  
Asuka: hey wait did you just call rei and i genreic?!  
  
Shinji: sorry i only understand Japanese.  
  
Asuka (slaps SHinji) oh shut up and drive.  
  
Shinji: you know rei hasn't had a speaking part in like eight lines.  
  
Rei: now i have one.  
  
Shinji; wow, that sucked, this writer is really running out of good ideas.  
  
Asuka: next thing you know Eva 1 will come over here and ask you to buy beer.  
  
Shinji: i already told him mto ask Misato!!  
  
Rei: did she do it?  
  
Shinji: Eva 1 is like 20 times her size, did she have a choice?  
  
Asuka: that explains why Eva one hasn't been around.  
  
Shinji: if you drank a bathtub of beer you wouldn't be around either.  
  
Asuka: that is sickeningly true.  
  
Rei: i take it that you had to buy a new bathtub.  
  
Shinji: new bathtub, new wall.  
  
Asuka: that really sucks.  
  
Shinji: Do you know how much that beer cost?  
  
Rei: 30,000?  
  
Shinji: higher.  
  
Asuka: 400,000?  
  
Shinji: 100,000,000,000  
  
Asuka: were did you get that cash?!  
  
Shinji: E-bay.  
  
Rei: not gonna coment.  
  
Asuka: what did you sell?!  
  
Shinji: um........ all of your stuff..............  
  
Asuka: that explains the fact that i only have clothing now.  
  
rei: um....  
  
Asuka: wait, (loses calm) you sold every thing!!!! I'm going to kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Shinji: I'm already dead.  
  
Rei: no comment  
  
Asuka: (beats up Shinji) You JERK!!!!!!  
  
Shinji: ow, my head. well i also sold the toilet in the bathroom and some letter you got from Kaji.  
  
Asuka: anger rising  
  
Shinji: (sees life pass before eyes) only thing passing through mind: Asuka's gonna kill you  
  
Rei: and the dead are dead.  
  
Asuka: (shinji's existence has expired) i'm gonna kill the buyer.  
  
shinji: um............... the buyer is dead.  
  
Rei: what happened?  
  
Shinji: i sold it to a dead guy.  
  
Asuka: um okayy.  
  
Rei: this conversation is starting to suck. Let's go to Nerv  
  
Shinji: (steals another car) That old car sucked any way. Lets go.  
  
Rei: shinji, i'm sorry but you really do suck at driving.  
  
Asuka: not to mention you are in the wrong lane.  
  
Random pedestrian: all right !!! Let's here it for driving in the wrong lane!!  
  
Shinji: (drives over generic pedestrian) Opps....  
  
Asuka: what the crap was that?  
  
Shinji: fun.  
  
Rei: he just keeps getting worse at driving.  
  
Shinji: oh come on, its not like we're paying for these cars anyway.  
  
Asuka: true.  
  
(arrive at Nerv)  
  
Shinji: must....pee.....  
  
Asuka: Reai and i did not want to here that!  
  
Shinji: (running to bathroom) to bad!!! (voice fades)  
  
Asuka: where to?  
  
Rei: lets find the kitchen.  
  
( they are walking down the hall when Shinji comes running at them.)  
  
Asuka: what are you doing?  
  
Shinji: turn around.  
  
Asuka: why?  
  
Shinji: believe me.  
  
Asuka: i smell smoke, shinji what did you do.  
  
Shinji: set the kitchen on fire.  
  
Asuka: how?  
  
Shinji: i tried to cook hotdogs in the microwave.  
  
Asuka: wow that's dumb.  
  
Shinji; yup.  
  
Rei: (sigh) no comment 


End file.
